This is dedicated to everyone with dumb self-doubts… like me.
You guys, I’m the worst. Well, I’m the worst at thinking I’m the worst. If comics, books or anime taught me anything, it’s that I can do anything. Well, maybe not literally anything, but a whole damn lot. People believe in me (people who aren’t automatically supposed to like my parents), so why is it so easy for me to dismiss them? Why is it so easy for us to dismiss genuine thoughts from people about our talents and capabilities? It’s because we’re scared. And if you’re not ready to admit it, at least I know I’m scared.
I’ve wanted to write a comic for a while, not really a series but a cute lil’ one shot (or graphic novel if I’m feeling fancy). But I didn’t think I was a good writer. (Kinda still don’t tbh.) Why? Because I’ve never written a “real” piece of fiction before let alone a comic. But like, how dumb is that? (Answer: Really dumb.) I haven’t even tried and I’m shooting it down. All writers have to start somewhere obvi. I am well aware that at least in this universe, embryos aren’t writing in the womb. So why would I put an unrealistic limit on myself? Because it’s easy and a wonderful addition to my “stupid reasons for not doing something” list.
In reality I don’t even really want to be a “writer writer” but just get some specific stories out there. I don’t necessarily want a career in writing either, that’s too much pressure, baby steps people. I just want something out in the ether with “Author: Jamila Rowser” on it. But even though I don’t have crazy high expectations of my dream, I still doubt myself. My doubt is killing things before they are born. My doubts are bursting with bullshit and literally don’t make any sense, yet they hold me back. Like, they are sooo ridiculous that even I know they are ridiculous. But here they are, chillin’ in the back of my head keeping me from doing thangs.
It’s like I’m always arguing with myself like that brilliant scene in the Doctor Who episode “Nightmare in Silver” where The Doctor was debating with himself… Except my version is less brilliant and more self-doubty. (Also hat tip to me for a Neil Gaiman and Doctor Who reference at the same time.)
So you know what we should do? Just say fuck it and do it! Follow your dreams and succeed. Follow your dreams and fail. Either way you followed your dreams. You don’t know where they will take you, but at least you won’t be 70 years old saying to yourself, “Shoulda coulda woulda”. Nobody wants to hear that crap. Don’t be that person. You are the only one holding yourself back and you know it. You don’t know if your dream will turn out to be a success or failure, but at least you know it will be something.