Overcoming Self-Doubt

Shinji_Ikari_neon_genisis_evangelion

This is dedicated to everyone with dumb self-doubts… like me.

You guys, I’m the worst. Well, I’m the worst at thinking I’m the worst. If comics, books or anime taught me anything, it’s that I can do anything. Well, maybe not literally anything, but a whole damn lot. People believe in me (people who aren’t automatically supposed to like my parents), so why is it so easy for me to dismiss them? Why is it so easy for us to dismiss genuine thoughts from people about our talents and capabilities? It’s because we’re scared. And if you’re not ready to admit it, at least I know I’m scared.

I’ve wanted to write a comic for a while, not really a series but a cute lil’ one shot (or graphic novel if I’m feeling fancy). But I didn’t think I was a good writer. (Kinda still don’t tbh.) Why? Because I’ve never written a “real” piece of fiction before let alone a comic. But like, how dumb is that? (Answer: Really dumb.) I haven’t even tried and I’m shooting it down. All writers have to start somewhere obvi. I am well aware that at least in this universe, embryos aren’t writing in the womb. So why would I put an unrealistic limit on myself? Because it’s easy and a wonderful addition to my “stupid reasons for not doing something” list.

In reality I don’t even really want to be a “writer writer” but just get some specific stories out there. I don’t necessarily want a career in writing either, that’s too much pressure, baby steps people. I just want something out in the ether with “Author: Jamila Rowser” on it. But even though I don’t have crazy high expectations of my dream, I still doubt myself. My doubt is killing things before they are born. My doubts are bursting with bullshit and literally don’t make any sense, yet they hold me back. Like, they are sooo ridiculous that even I know they are ridiculous. But here they are, chillin’ in the back of my head keeping me from doing thangs.

It’s like I’m always arguing with myself like that brilliant scene in the Doctor Who episode “Nightmare in Silver” where The Doctor was debating with himself… Except my version is less brilliant and more self-doubty. (Also hat tip to me for a Neil Gaiman and Doctor Who reference at the same time.)

So you know what we should do? Just say fuck it and do it! Follow your dreams and succeed. Follow your dreams and fail. Either way you followed your dreams. You don’t know where they will take you, but at least you won’t be 70 years old saying to yourself, “Shoulda coulda woulda”. Nobody wants to hear that crap. Don’t be that person. You are the only one holding yourself back and you know it. You don’t know if your dream will turn out to be a success or failure, but at least you know it will be something.

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16 Comments

  1. I think you’d be a good writer, you should go for it! Also, that was the best Cyberman episode in years…

    Reply

  2. You should totally go for it even just to fulfill an ambition of yours. It’s so easy to talk yourself out of doing things but if you find yourself daydreaming of certain things all the time then it’s probably for a reason.

    Reply

  3. I would love to read your writing!
    It’s amazing how debilitating self doubt is. I’m going through that right now too.
    But this :”You don’t know if your dream will turn out to be a success or failure, but at least you know it will be something.”

    Really spoke to me.
    Thank you.

    Reply

  4. Awww! You’d make a great writer. If there’s one thing the internet is great for, it’s for letting people rant and get their fears out there. Everyone’s battling with the same self-doubts, but we’ll all come out on top if we stick together <3

    Reply

  5. Agreed. There was a quote I heard once from someone, about how if we spent all of the energy we spent on doubting and worrying into working toward our goals, how everything we did would be 110%.

    I look forward to seeing your comic.

    Reply

  6. I’ve been feeling the same way for years. To be honest, I rather hear what others think about my writing so I know what I need to go for in an audience. I’m taking a leap and working on my Doctor Who fancomic. (again) but with a new view on how I want to work on it.

    Don’t be afraid to follow what you wish to do. Find what you want to create and go with it.
    I look forward in seeing your comic as well. >^.^<

    Reply

  7. Hello! i’m a little late to this post party, but I hope you don’t mind me dropping a line here.

    Based on what I read here I’m inclined to believe you’d not only make a wonderful writer but that you could really do some special things with it. Like yourself, I’ve never considered myself a good writer or been able to accept compliments from people about my abilities yet I still yearn to contribute something meaningful to the field at some point in my life. These thoughts and feelings not only push me to better myself but lead me to overcome my internal doubts. I think the only problem that someone like yourself and I may run into is actually finding an audience. If your life is anything like mine then there aren’t too many normal adults who want to read things with a hint of anime/Whovian/and who else knows what. Ha, i’m getting a bit carried away here so let me cut this short and say, I wish you luck in your pursuit and can promise you I’ll certainly be hanging around reading!

    Reply

  8. Preach on! I totally agree. I’ve had a dream to complete my own comic, but, I put that dream on hold due to “Military assignments and raising a family”. I should have continued drawing, but I would always compare my work to the popular comic artists, and think that I could never be that good. I’m having fun getting back into writing and drawing again, but it is hard. I have wasted so much time, and forgotten so much by quitting all of those years ago. I basically have to re-learn how to draw again. Don’t give up on your dreams!
    Thank you for this post. Inspiring…. Love the site.

    Reply

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